Recently several clients and friends have experienced hardships from house foreclosures to job loss to health crisis. Unfortunately not all things in life are "good" but with the right tools, you can find your way through your own quagmire to peace...
1. Becoming a victim. Often when tragedy strikes our first response is, "Why Me?" A more realistic response would be, "Why not me?" No one will walk through this life without mishap or tragedy. Why? Because it is in our "hardships/mistakes" that we learn, not our perfect moves. I believe each of us is striving for wholeness, so we must grow - growing can hurt sometimes.
Years ago I was introduced to Wayne Dyer's idea that, "there is a valid reason for everything that happens." At first I rebelled against this idea - I was a victim - raised in an alcoholic, violent home; molested as a teen; divorced parents; had to work my way through college; chronic pain due to a car accident...on and on I could list why life was unfair and I was a victim.
Then I detached and looked again - all of these horrible events taught me and brought me closer to wholeness - in ways I never expected...The chronic pain from my car accident drove me to seek alternative approaches to healing as I had exhausted all the traditional medical avenues. By going down this alternative path, one I would have never walked without this unrelenting pain - I unlocked a whole new life, a new path to peace.
When you are a victim, it is impossible to see past traumatic events to, "What do I need to learn from this?" and "What is my body/soul trying to tell me?" i.e. "What do I need to learn from this experience so I don't find myself in these shoes again?" When you decide there is a valid reason for everything, you take back your power. Instead of being tossed about as a victim of circumstances, you own this experience and glean the knowledge to transcend tragic events. You grow into fullness.
Once I was able to shift from "poor me" to "What can I learn from this to empower my life today?" ("When have I felt this way before? Or is this a bad pattern I am in?") I was able to unlock the victim response from any experience. Thus I created a pocket of peace within whatever tragedy/difficult event occurred because I know, there is a valid reason for everything...even if today I can not see what that reason is.
2. Seek support. Ok, it is all well and good to know, "There is a valid reason..." but we still need support. Call friends, family and if need be, professional support. Even if we know somewhere inside, "there is a valid reason..." - we still are in pain and that must be attended to. Just because you know you are learning and growing in this process, it does not lessen the very real agony of the experience. The good news is - people do want to help, it's a natural response. When you see a friend or family member in acute pain, don't you want to help? - do something, anything.
Allow your friends and family to "be there" for you - you may even be surprised by someone you never expected to show up in a way that heals not only your heart, but theirs as well. Tragic/upsetting events often create opportunities for healing in ways you don't expect or think even thought possible before the events were put into motion. This is the "silver lining" we refer to after the tragedy passes.
3. Spiritual support. Yes, when need the support of people, but even more - spiritual support. It is a gift we chose to accept ourselves - in our own time. Out of sheer desperation I found God in my twenties.
I was absolutely broken-hearted after ending a six year relationship and in chronic pain from a car accident. Everyday would find me in tears, smoking too much pot and grasping for anyone/anything to make it better. One Sunday, I found my way alone to church. I was not raised in a church - in fact the opposite, as my Mom described herself as a "recovering catholic."
I had never been to this church before and I'm not sure what the service was about as, but I do remember I wept throughout. I couldn't stop. I just felt like somewhere inside I came home. As the pastor spoke, she silently invited each one of us to know God not only by the words she uttered, but by her very presence. This woman was peace - a beacon calling to a new life.
She spoke of a loving God who was with you always. The words were a balm for my hurts and I could feel myself calm from the inside. I breathed again. Then we sang hymns, ones I had never heard before and suddenly I was singing the words, "Resting in the palm of God's Hand," and I was.
In that moment, I understood - I am never alone. I looked at the shining faces around me and saw pure joy. "Joy," not pleasure derived from buying or attaining something, but joy - the glorious shimmering of your soul in the fullness of life. This was a place for me, resting in the palm of God's hand.
Today I still use this imagery over and over whenever I feel lost, or out of balance. Sometimes, as you grow up, you discover you have to release certain beliefs you were taught as a child. I know this lesson of "There is no God, you have to do it all," was taught to me with the best of intentions - survival. However, it crippled my life. I had become obsessed with control or truly, the illusion of control and the idea I had to do it all myself - I was alone.
I am not saying you have to go to church to find God or a higher power, however titled, what I am suggesting is to find connection to something greater then self. Maybe for you this happens in nature or art, but somehow to view yourself in partnership with the world around instead of in battle. Once you establish connection to something greater then self, you are able to detach and really witness the events - maybe I am supposed to be learning something here instead of beating myself up about the unfairness (yes, sometimes life isn't fair...) of it all?
4. Courage. I would love to be able to say something magical that could make all the bad things go away...Well, all I've got is a message of courage. Not condescending, "It will get better with time," or "I'm so sorry for your pain," but courage.
I say "courage" in the full knowledge that the answer you seek as you walk through this difficult time, already rests inside you now. Be still and listen, maybe even meditate. For in that stillness your strength will come, and manifest a change in your life. Be still and listen. So be it.
"If you're going through hell, keep going." - Winston Churchill
Kelly Ballard is a workshop leader, Intuitive Guide and Healer. Through workshops, private sessions and guided meditations Kelly specializes in helping others discover positive solutions for immediate change/growth in their lives thus drawing their most abundant life into reality. Find out more information about her services and meditation CDs at http://www.kellyballard.com - Contact her directly at 720-984-4232 or email kelly@kellyballard.com - She lives in Boulder, CO.
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