Quite often, we get angry; and we deal with it in different ways.
Some of us react; some suppress; some show indifference; some walk away fuming inside; some of us believe it is "wrong" to feel anger and hence suppress or 'by-pass' angry feelings; and some of us bring it all out on other people.
Science is proving the link between heart disease and anger as the underlying emotional cause. Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT)has been extremely useful and efficient in healing anger and it is amazing to see how a person has a new understanding of the same situation that unfolds naturally; often, much to their own surprise and relief. With the new perspective that emerges, they have clarity on dealing with the situation with more positive choices in hand.
Identifying globally:
Firstly, here is a brief list of common reasons why we feel angry towards someone/ ourselves. Replace 'they' to someone specific (in a specific event/situation), or to ' I ' if the anger is towards yourself.
When others do not agree with me
When they do not understand me
When they obstructs me from satisfying my needs.
When they do not respect me
When they think they are superior
When they try to control or suppress me
When they criticize me
When they tell lies or gossip about me
When they harm me or someone close to me.
When they have evil intentions or ulterior motives
When they are negative, complaining, whining, criticizing etc
When they think they know it all
When they give me advice I have not asked for
When they play the role of the victim, the "poor me," and want attention
When they do not take care of themselves or carry their share of the load
When they make mistakes
When they do not keep their promises or appointments
When they are weak and dependent
When they act in an egotistical and selfish ways, disregarding my or others' needs
When they use me or others
When they are cold and insensitive
When they are not responsible to their word or responsibilities
When they are lazy
When they ignore my needs
When they reject me
When the traffic is too heavy
Being Specific:
Think/connect to the situation/ person in your mind that bring these feelings in you. Tune into a specific event or incident where you have felt this way and use the Movie Method approach of EFT and review your feelings after a couple of rounds of tapping.
Beliefs
Our beliefs become part of us from childhood much of which is learned from those around us. When we think/act as a reflex and feel uncomfortable with those thoughts/ actions, it is a good idea to review the beliefs and make positive, productive changes that fit into who you are.
Anger belief EFT statements
Here is a list of anger belief EFT statements. Practice them tapping along everyday while brushing your teeth in the morning, in the mirror, in small groups or anytime you feel your negatives coming to the surface and in few weeks, you will experience a new and different you..
Even though I am afraid of anger, I choose to acknowledge all of my feelings. It is safe for me to recognize and release my anger. I completely love and accept myself.
Even though if I get angry, I will lose control, I choose to express my anger in appropriate places and ways. I completely love and accept myself.
Even though I have no right to be angry, I choose to know that all my emotions are acceptable. I completely love and accept myself.
Even though anger is bad, I choose to know that anger is normal and natural. I completely love and accept myself.
Even though when someone is angry, I get scared, I choose to comfort my inner child and we are safe. I completely love and accept myself.
Even though it is not safe to be angry, I choose to know that I am safe with all my emotions. I completely love and accept myself.
Even though my parents did not allow me to express my anger, I choose to now move beyond my parents' limitations. I completely love and accept myself.
Even though I won't be loved if I get angry, I choose to know that the more honest I am, the more I am loved. I completely love and accept myself.
Even though I have to hide my anger, I choose to express my anger in appropriate ways. I completely love and accept myself.
Even though stuffing anger makes me sick, I choose to express my anger in appropriate ways. I completely love and accept myself.
Even though I have never been angry, I allow myself freedom with all my emotions, including anger. I completely love and accept myself.
Even though if I get angry I will hurt someone, I choose know that healthy expressions of anger keep me healthy. I choose to know that everyone is safe with me when I express my emotions. I completely love and accept myself.
'Using' anger in a healthy manner: How?
Ask yourself "What do I want here (from this person) that I am not getting (and which is making me angry)
Once you know what it is that you 'want' or 'need' is, express it to the person in a positive manner.
Here, we have gone beyond anger by taking a couple of steps backward!
This will lead to less reaction that stems from anger, to more clear and productive communication; better understanding; more joyous experiences in relationships.
And of course, a much healthier heart!
And, do remember..
Even though I was told anger is not good, I give myself permission to acknowledge my feelings...!
I give due credit to Robert Najemy and Louise Hay for their teachings on the subject.
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